You may have seen an article in today’s press about families who have had stillborn babies and some of them are now seeking their child’s final resting place.
I had occasion to help a client recently in a similar situation. This lady lost her daughter and it was still very raw almost 40 years on. She hadn’t got the courage to even call the local council to enquire about the grave, to think about visiting – infact she’d done all she could to avoid this huge, momentous thing that she knew could help her grieve but the courage just wasn’t there.
Having lost her husband two years ago, the heartstrings had been tugged and she was wondering whether to find out more, to establish whether she could get her daughter exhumed and buried with her father (the two were in separate cemeteries).
I was asked to make inquiries, which I did. I got the location of the grave and the documentation. I visited the cemetery on a beautiful sunny day (although freezing cold!). I took photographs to show my client where abouts the grave was situated; surrounding area; the fact that there was, unfortunately, no memorial.
She told me that the only memory she had and what had kept her from starting to make inquiries was the fact that her daughter was buried on a cold, wet, miserable winter’s day and in her mind’s eye was the scene from that day – so sad, cold and negative.
When I showed her the photographs of the grave 40 years on, her face lit up. She didn’t realise that the cemetery was so full, well tended and peaceful. Her impressions were immediately changed.
She still hasn’t decided whether to exhume her daughter or place a memorial – that will take time, she’s taken a huge step in even acknowledging the grave and loss. We will go and visit soon, on a beautiful sunny day so that the positives are not lost. This is all part of the grieving process, doesn’t matter whether it’s 4 years or 40 years, many of us just can’t cope with or deal with death and loss. This lady is taking a big step and it will help her. She is very grateful to me and often tells me so. I am just happy to help her and others like her.
I can help families locate stillborn babies and child graves – this is one of the services I offer. If you’d like more information please check out the contact page of this site and I will be happy to help.
A Child Loaned
“I’ll lend you for a little time
A child of Mine.” He said.
“For you to love the while he lives
And mourn for when he’s dead.
It may be six or seven year
Or twenty-two or three
But will you, till I call him back
Take care of him for Me?
He’ll bring his charms to gladden you
And should his stay be brief,
You’ll have his lovely memories
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay
Since all from Earth return,
But there are lessons taught down there
I want the child to learn.
I’ve looked this wide world over
In my search for teacher’s true,
And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes,
I have selected you;
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain
Nor hate Me when I come to call
And take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
“Dear Lord, They will be done,
For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
For the risk of grief we’ll run.
We’ll shelter him with tenderness,
We’ll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we’ve known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him
Much sooner than we planned,
We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.”